Veve (veve) wrote in wordware,
Veve
veve
wordware

Square

The fake grass rug had shifted a little on the ply-boards. One corner was bare of it's coat of fake spring. She could see where the boards were creating an illusion of straight lines.

The hole had been dug by a local man with a backhoe. He did not have the expertise in grave digging that would render a hole that had angles that were square.

It was odd how there could be patches of snow that were still so white and clean surrounded by gray masses and slush.

She sat down on one of the fold-out chairs that had been placed around the grave on 3 sides. A breeze blew over her legs.

She had helped make arrangements for the reception, she wasn't sure that was what you called them but that is what it felt like. That was the way things were done where she was from. There were certain things you did before a funeral and after one.

Before, there were rosaries and following the hearse as the body was driven from funeral home to the church and then to the grave.

After, people gathered for food and talking.

She had helped with the arrangements.


Sometimes they showed graves on television. They were perfect rectangles, clean lines surrounded by grass any golf course would be proud of. She wondered what they used to make all the lines square.
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I really appreciate this style of writing. Give just enough information that develops a cohesiveness to the story but allow the reader to fill in the blanks with personal experience.
I get bored fast when I read a story and a character is described in detail like the following:
She was eighteen years old in the twelfth grade of Bidmore High School. She walked into the room wearing an old black threadbare VanHalen tee shirt and an old pair of Guess jeans that were out of date by the standards of fashion for today. They had holes in them that were not intended. I could see that she wasn't wearing any underwear because the fabric was so thin on the back of her jeans that I could see hints of pink ass showing through.
She had on some sort of dumb looking clogs with hard heels that made a clicking sound on the tile floor that was white with little flecks of gold in it. The floor reflected the colors of her but distorted her image.
Her hair was a dark brown and it looked like it had not been washed for days because of the shiny, greasy, look that it had. And then I saw her vagina as she walked passed me heading toward her seat in the back of the classroom. It hung down on both sides of the seam that ran between her legs. With seeing her unwashed her I thought about how bad she must smell down there in those nether regions . . . Yadda, yadda, yadda.


Too much information. It is a little better the following way:

She stepped into the room with a false confidence. Her legs moved her body toward the student chair in the back of the classroom and her feet clicked out a perfect rhythm on the tile floor. She stood tall up to her shoulders, but from there up she hunched a little forward. It made her look almost, but not quite, confident in who she was.
Her clothes were dirty and a little out of date. Her hair was a dirty looking brown that seemed a little greasy. She was wearing a an old VanHalen tee shirt not because she was trying to look retro but because she was poor.
My eyes were drawn to her vagina. It hung down on both sides of the crotch seam of her jeans. I thought about the time I caught her in back of the locker room fucking the assistant couch. I forgot my glasses and had heard moans echoing from the back of the cavernous room.
She saw me but he didn't. She didn't say anything but moaned louder as she fucked the young assistant coach that was still an old man compared to her.


Sometimes brevity is even more important depending on the story and what one is trying to convey. Consider the following:
She was a skank. She tried to look cool when she walked into the classroom but it wasn't working. She was poor and looked the part.
The last entry requires the reader to develop imagery that they can connect with based solely on personal experience with poor skanks. I said all this to let you know that you have the talent. Now get wealthy with it!
You are most kind...but I actually am thinking of re-writing this one...I feel like I missed the mark...somehow.

Your samples were interesting. They actually made me laugh...I am not sure if there is anything that embarrases me more for another woman than that...ummm...lip issue.

It is funny how we all have issues with things and I am in no way a prude...in no way, but the term people use to decribe that "condition" I find particularly vulgar...I don't know why I can't stop talking about it!!